Was Their Marriage A Lie?

Dear Pat: I am married to a women 28yrs I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We even had children in there 20s now. I came out about a year ago, we still live together. I am the only one working at the moment and I won’t abandon her, have have a history together. I do love her but it is not the same. I tried my hardest to be str8 and be the great dad and husband it finaly came to a head and I can’t live this lie anymore. Continue reading “Was Their Marriage A Lie?”

Transitioning Through Divorce

He’s a 40-year-old father of two pre-teens who is getting ready to end a 15-year marriage. He’s looking for books and guidance to help him through the process of leaving his marriage and setting up a new home for himself and his kids when they come to visit. He hasn’t told his wife he wants a divorce yet and already is considering going into debt to comfortably outfit his new home.

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My Today Show Appearance

It’s completely impossible to predict what the future holds. I certainly never would have guessed that I’d be promoting my own book on national TV. All it took was two divorces to get me to the Today Show where Gay Courter (my co-author) and I shared the spotlight with Stephen King and Demi Moore!
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Memories Of The Past

As you work your way through the black hole of divorce, memories of particularly good times that you and your soon-to-be-ex husband or wife shared together will surface. You may hear a song, or find a photo, or someone will say something that triggers the memory. The pain will get deeper, or your anger will grow stronger.
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Moving On After 19 Years

She wanted to know how she could move on after her 19-year marriage ended when her husband left to be with someone from his past. The marriage hadn’t been a good one for quite a few years but it took her a long time to decide that she’d rather be out of it than deal with all of its dysfunction. What she was having trouble with was moving past the memories.
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Better To Have Loved And Lost?

Has someone ever said to you “Oh, but it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” expecting that to put a positive spin on your divorce? In other words, maybe you’ve lost love but that’s not as bad as never having been loved. No doubt they mean well, but it’s a fairly clueless comment to make to someone whose marriage is ending.
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It’s Okay To Feel Blue

Logically, I know that the holidays are no different than the rest of the year and if you’re having a bad year it probably won’t get any better just because everything you see and hear suggests this time of year is just naturally full of warm and fuzzy feelings. Emotionally, though, I really want to believe that something magical will take place at this time of year to make those warm and fuzzy feelings a reality.
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A Moment In Time

When I remarried, I moved into my husband’s home. My home, on the scruffy side and in need of much repair, sat vacant after our marriage. My husband and I thought it might make a nifty place for visiting friends and relatives to stay but it didn’t work out that way.
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More Holiday Blues

At the holidays more than any other time of the year we are supposed to feel particularly warm and fuzzy toward our family and friends. It’s a nice goal but the holidays are dreadful for people involved in unhappy relationships. I just put a lot of different reasons for dreading the holidays into the phrase “unhappy relationships.” Being alone because of divorce isn’t the only reason you might dread the holidays.
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Validating Your Worth

Divorce can make us feel as though we are missing a major part of ourselves… the part that validates our worth… the part that gives us a reason for being. If this person — the center of our entire universe — feels we aren’t worth “keeping,” if this person to whom we have devoted our life is dumping us by the roadside like a bag of garbage, why would anyone else believe we would have value? Most of all, how can we possibly believe ourselves to have value? How can we feel good about ourself?
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Holiday Blues

For anyone who is going through a divorce, the holiday season ranks right up there with root canals as a fun time. And why shouldn’t it? It’s a time when families get together and share all the warmth and love they’ve stored up all year long for each other.
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Count Your Blessings

When things are going badly in our lives it’s easy to develop tunnel vision with a focus on the negative aspects of the life we have. I’ve found that adversity can be a powerful stimulant for positive change, even if I wasn’t looking for changes at the time.
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Divorce Is Not Easy

I’ve been divorced twice. The first time, after quite a lengthy marriage, my personal midlife crisis began and I decided there had to be more in this life than my marriage and my husband were capable of providing. My husband was not happy I was leaving. Not because he loved me, but because I disrupted a routine he had grown comfortable with.
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Emotional Baggage

Picture this: You’re watching a suspenseful movie… the nice (but painfully naive) young man hears a sound at the door, gets up, and against his better judgment, and certainly with no encouragement from us, goes over to the door and asks “Who’s there?”
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At This Moment, You Are HERE

Most major shopping malls have locator maps at various spots, a red “X” with an arrow pointing to it and the words “You Are Here” so that you can see how close or how far you are to the place you really want to be. Similar maps can be found at highway rest stops to show travelers where they’ve been and the distance and roads to their destinations.
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Friends Get Hurt, Too

Separation and divorce doesn’t just cause stress and trauma to the immediate parties — the husband, the wife, and the children. It can be devastating to other family members and it can cut a wide path through the emotions of those people who are close friends with the couple.
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Dumb Ideas

“It wasn’t much of a honeymoon for Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger: TV’s multimillionaire groom says they didn’t consummate their marriage and it’s not likely to last.”—Associated Press
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Selective Memories

What is your attitude (or mood) when you talk about your marriage? Are you negative, angry, resentful? Do you blame your ex or almost ex-spouse for the marriage failing? Do you get angry if friends or family show signs of forgiveness toward your ex?
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If you are experiencing turmoil in your marriage, or the loneliness of divorce, let me welcome you to “my place” and let me assure you that the pain does get less and less with time. I’d like to share some thoughts and ideas with you. Some might make you angry, some might give you hope.
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Not All Baggage Is Bad

We enter this world with no baggage. As we grow and experience life itself, we begin packing our “baggage.” We learn that if we do “this,” “that” will be the result. If we’re quick learners we don’t need three bags for some of life’s lessons that can be packed into one bag.
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Keep Moving Forward

I was caught in slow moving traffic, behind a large truck. No matter which lane I moved to, the truck was just a little quicker. It wasn’t that the driver was trying to keep me behind him, he was trying to find the fastest lane, just as I was, and most of the other drivers around us.
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The Stigma Of Divorce

With the chance of a marriage ending in divorce running over 50 percent, it would seem that divorce will be just another stage of life for many people. Would you date someone who is divorced or would you consider them “used goods”? If you’re divorced, do you feel that divorce brands you unfairly?
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Staying Together For The Holidays

It took me several years before I got up enough courage to end my first marriage. There was a lot of agonizing, the continual thoughts that I was doing something wrong, the search for answers everywhere. I hoped my husband would end it, taking the decision and choice away from me, but he wouldn’t and didn’t. If I wanted my life to change, it would be up to me, and me alone to make it happen.
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Motivated by Revenge?

Is revenge motivating you right now as you deal with your divorce? I think thoughts of revenge are normal for most of us but those thoughts shouldn’t be all-consuming. Once the divorce is final, you may regret vengeful acts if they prevent you and your ex from remaining friends. Don’t let revenge close that door.
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