The way we react to another’s anger, or for that matter, the way we react and interact with others will determine how others interact with us.
These are some of the things that tick me off:
–Slow drivers. Sure the speed limit is a maximum of 55 which means they can drive anywhere between 0 and 55 and be legal, but why do they have to be in front of me and why do they insist on slowing down the closer I get to their back bumper?
–Slow drivers that won’t let faster drivers pass. You know the ones, as long as it’s a no-passing zone they drive 10, 15 or 20 miles under the speed limit. Then, when the road is clear ahead, they speed up so that the line of cars behind them can’t pass safely, and of course they slow way down when the no-passing zone returns. I can understand road rage.
–Long lines in the ladies room. Women know what I’m talking about and men will think I’m being grumpy (or worse) so let’s just leave it on my personal gripe list and move on.
–Short lines that stop moving when I’m in them. If you ever see me standing in a line, no matter how short it appears, DON’T get in line with me! I can assure you, my line will have the new trainee at the front or the cashier who would rather flirt with the bag boy than ring up the groceries. Forget the ice cream, call it ice milk and drink it on the way home.
–Smokers who blow smoke in non-smokers’ faces. Hostility in its worst form.
–Reformed smokers who make sure every smoker in the room knows they have the dirtiest habit in the world. It’s probably a technique for keeping themselves from backsliding but like all crusades, it gets a more than a little obnoxious.
–Perfect young bodies. Hey, I had to throw this one in because the older I get the more I wish we didn’t judge each other so much on how we look. Age may give an edge as far as being wise, but the physical freshness and beauty of youth is impossible to discount.
–Spam email. it’s out of hand and clogging access to a lot of the good stuff that’s online.
–Telephone solicitors. Whether it’s my business phone or my home phone, I don’t appreciate calls to switch my phone service, sell me insurance, or shampoo my rugs. I try to be courteous but most phone solicitors don’t understand the meaning of “no” and “not interested.” They “get it” when I hang up on them. I realize they’re doing their job, but they’re interrupting mine. I’m not an idiot (despite some opinions to the contrary) and I fully understand that the calls won’t stop even if I do switch to their service or try their product. If anything, they’ll increase because I would have proven that I’m an easy phone sell.
These are all petty, petty things and certainly not worth the energy expended in being angry. It would be far more understandable to be angry about worthy causes such as world hunger, the increasing ozone levels, the diminishing rain forests, or man’s inhumanity to man (I know I’m treading on tender ground here so let me say that I use the term “man” to encompass all human beings not just those of the male gender).
Consider a mother who has all smiles for her children in public but in the privacy of her home whips them bloody for no good cause. Consider a husband who is the dream employee but who, when at home, becomes abusive, ruling with a fierce and violent temper. The mother may be angry at her husband but afraid to express her anger for fear he will leave her. The husband may feel rage that he has been passed over for promotion too many times but his fear of his boss makes him seek other targets for his pent up anger. Domestic violence leaves a terrible trail of broken lives.
These are the cases we don’t hear about, the people who suffer in private, behind closed doors. The cases we do hear about, the women who murder their abusers, for example, demonstrate another facet of anger, action and reaction.
Some people refuse to get visibly angry. Instead, they focus their anger on strangers or helpless animals. One man reacted to a breakup with his girlfriend by kicking his cat halfway across his yard. He never once raised his voice in anger. He also felt no remorse about badly injuring the cat.
Divorce creates an enormous depth of raw emotions including anger, rage, dispair, and depression. It’s those raw emotions that make people step aside, excuse themselves from conversations, withhold invitations to parties and gatherings. Most times the affected person has absolutely no clue how aggressive they’re being, nor do they realize how much they’re “turning off” the people around them.
Those feelings cause otherwise rational human beings to act without thinking, hurt others without meaning to, strike without warning. It takes time to get the feelings out, take care of them, and move on. It’s one of the reasons “experts” advise waiting at least one year from the legal divorce before making attempts to establish new, significant, relationships. It takes that long or longer to work through all the emotions let loose by a marriage gone bad.
Working through the anger is a part of the divorce process. Letting go of the anger is the ultimate goal. Anger as a tool can get you through a lot of unpleasant situations. Anger used the wrong way can cost you a lot of good support from friends and family.